Snark
by leppress
Summary: Straight from the keyboard of Sash and updated again for your gustatory pleasure, walk with us while we delve into the relationship of the twins. Please keep arms and legs inside at all times.


AN: Eternal thanks to Bustahead for the goat. It stuck and we just kinda ran with it. This has been a production of Chaos Inc.   
  
PLEASE READ!!  
  
Due to recent, enlightening events, we have decided to re-publish this story.   
  
Sash was kind enough to remove it, in spite of credit given for certain "ideas." One person whined, and it was removed. I however, am not as nice. I think it was good, and it was funny. So I'm reposting it, WITH Sash's permission. She wrote the story into the chats we had. So it's her story. I'm just putting it back where it belongs.  
  
Some may like it, some may not. If you have any problems with it? Email me personally.   
  
Otherwise... BITE ME! And Moo to you too!  
  
**  
  
"Stop it with the goatboy already!"  
  
His voice was a growl that carried through the small room, stopping the three figures in their tracks. He was glaring at them, his usually neat silver hair falling in disarray over his forehead. His outburst elicited a variety of reactions from the two females, from a look of pure innocence on Sash's eyes to one of well disguised guilt.  
  
"I didn't do it." Leppress held her arms up in surrender, not quite able to keep the smile from her lips. Vergil merely glared at her.  
  
"Moo." She wasn't sure if he was joking of mocking her. Besides her, Dante snorted loudly, his tone sarcastic and edgy as he turned to his brother.   
  
"I think it's cute." Sash smiled, as sweetly as she could, hoping to take the edge off Dante's rudeness.  
  
"The single exception is you." He pointed a single finger towards her, his countenance serious. Not even Leppress's cooing could change that.  
  
"Oh, he's so cute!" She grinned at her friend as the brunette merely smiled at him. Maybe he did like her after all, despite everything.  
  
"Can't you take a joke, bro?" There was an indescribable sense of mockery in his words as his eyebrow rose ever so slightly.  
  
"Yeah, I can take a joke. You're my brother after all." His shoulders rose in an uninterested shrug, bringing equally surprised reactions from the girls. Dante merely laughed at him, an open, amused sound.  
  
"Touché." His grin turned ferocious. "Remind me to get you back for that one."  
  
"I'd like to see the day." Vergil responded blandly, moving easily towards the couch, stopping momentarily to check the books on the bookcase with an interested eye. Leppress could only roll her eyes with a knowing sigh.  
  
"Oh, sweet Jesus, here they go again."  
  
"Well, there was that one time yesterday, then two days ago, the other day..." Dante ticked his fingers off with each occasion, his cold eyes rolling skyward as if remembering.   
  
"The hell you talking about?" Leppress interrupted his monologue with a lost expression in her eyes, only to be rewarded by a smirk.  
  
"Counting the amount of times I've gotten him back already."  
  
"You wish." Vergil's words floated easily towards him, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  
  
"You tell me...GoatBoy." He snickered, unable to resist as Vergil pinned him with a look. It was so easy to get under his skin after so many years of practice. Sash offered a single snort before laughing, her hand discreetly over her mouth.   
  
"Never mind." He looked bored, not really focusing on Dante as he went on, his tone almost hypnotic at his brother's smugness. "You have to sleep sometime, Bro." Smugness seemed to bleed out of Dante's face as he stared at his brother in horror.  
  
"You are not touching my hair!" He caught the shadow of a smile on Vergil's face, a growl reverberating in his throat. The threat was a long known one, effective at getting his hackles up. "You are so dead, Bro."  
  
"Oh goodness. Poor Dante." Leppress whispered the words towards Sash as they watched, in awe, the dynamics of the twins. Vergil seemed to slide across the floor, sidling up to Dante with a mocking smile on his lips. His fingers rose in a slow scissoring motion.  
  
"Snip, snip, Bro." Dante's growl was his only answer for a moment.  
  
"Don't start with me unless you want your own luscious tresses chopped." He warned, his voice a low, feral snarl. Vergil snorted.  
  
"I don't sleep that much anyway. One of the things they do teach you in Hell." He waved a hand nonchalantly at the threat. Leppress eye widened as she turned to Sash.  
  
"Ooh...We're resorting to threats now?" There was a deeply conspiratorial smirk on her lips. Sash couldn't help it but shrug, shuffling towards the couch with a tired expression.  
  
"Sibling issues. I should know, I have two of those myself."  
  
"Siblings or issues?" She laughed softly; her eyes returning to the computer screen were she tried, with little success, to finish her homework, her attention snagged by the twins arguing in her living room.  
  
"You mean besides teaching you to lose duels?" His smirk was getting too big for his face. Vergil paused, his eyes deeply regretful as he looked at his brother, feeling terribly sorry for him and his ego.  
  
"I let you win." He pointed out. He hadn't had the heart to put him out of his misery that day.  
  
"'Cause you love me so much." Dante wiggled his eyebrows for a moment, blowing his silvery bangs out of his eyes, causing Vergil to snort loudly. "And you love my hair."  
  
"Get real."  
  
With the superior speed that had usually marked him, Vergil moved, locking his arm around Dante's neck to hold him in place while his hand rose to ruffle his hair. The move would have been affectionate, had it not been for the maniacal grin in Vergil's face, as well as the amount of electricity he generated. Caught off guard, Dante had no way of stopping his brother as he ruffled, only to release him with a zap he felt all the way down his scalp. The growl was the closest thing to a word that tore out of his throat as he pushed back violently; slipping out of the choke hold he'd been in. Furiously, he reached for Alastor where it lay, almost forgotten, against the front door. Leppress was very picky about weaponry in the house, restricting it to hers alone. She had turned her head towards the twins again just in time to see Vergil zap his brother, the crackle of electricity loud in her ears.  
  
"Damn, he does use electricity well, doesn't he?" Sash nodded, the only thing she could do as her eyes followed Dante's progression towards his sword. This action did not bode well for them.  
  
"SHIT!" The word was heartfelt as he ripped Alastor from its resting place, swinging it in a single arc to adjust his hold on it. Parts of his hair were standing on end, thanks to Vergil. It was Sash who reacted first, grabbing a hold of his sword arm and pulling back with all her weight, which was not nearly enough to stop the devil hunter as he charged across the room with decided steps.  
  
"Bring it on, Bro!" Vergil stood calmly, a glint in his eye as he looked at his approaching brother. His call tore Leppress's attention away from the screen again, her eyes widening.  
  
"Yikes!" Like one with practice, she dove under the desk, calling out to Sash. "Take cover!"  
  
"Stop it! Play nice!" It was a half hearted attempt at the very least as Dante forcefully trying to shake Sash off his arm.   
  
"Sash, let go of him! It'd be safer!" Leppress called out from her vantage hiding place under the desk, concerned at seeing her friend in the middle of what was to become a bloody battle field. Sash did, indeed, let go of him, only to take cover by the couch before scrambling towards the desk, a worried expression in her eyes.   
  
Dante swung his sword with ease towards Vergil, who dodged, reaching for his own oversized sword. The grins on his face was a severe contrast to the frown in Dante's face as he retaliated the hit with one of his own, the tip of his sword moving dangerously close to his brother's neck. He avoided it, bending backwards quickly only to come up swinging. Vergil parried, feeling the adrenaline run through him and pull at his lips, widening his smile. Dante's own smile was his answer as they parried and thrust, their movements hampered by smallness of the room. The two girls attempted to peek over the edge of the desk, the sound of blade striking blade becoming curioser and curioser. Sash leaned slightly against Leppress, trying to catch a glimpse without actually risking her own neck.   
  
"Are they hurt yet?"  
  
"Nah, they're just grinning like a couple of idiots." Leppress informed her with a snort before getting up, mindless of the possibility of a sword flying through the air. "I have better things to do than hide from them if all they're going to do is grin. Coding. Must code."  
  
"Must be some secret twin technique we don't know about. The grin of death, or something like that." She bit her lip softly, eyes shifting from the fighting brothers to the uninterested female resuming her position at the computer. "Should we maybe stop them before they hurt each other?"  
  
"Nah, let them get it out of their system. Boys will be boys. Besides, what's the worst they can do?"   
  
"Fighting dirty, are we?" Vergil's voice held a sarcastic edge as he rolled back to his feet, narrowly avoiding a downward slash as Dante kicked jumped off the couch and towards him. His grin was caught in a snarl as he triggered, releasing a shower of energy towards his brother.   
  
"Well, shit! If you insist!" He dodged, the hit ruffling the hair on his forehead as it flew by him, before triggering himself, going toe to toe with his brother, sparks flying as the blades met and slid.   
  
"Oh, my." Sash's voice called Leppress's attention back as she tried to bury herself in her coding homework.  
  
"What?" Her eyes rose just in time to see Dante dodge what would have otherwise caused considerable damage to important places. "Ouch! Balls shot! That's gotta hurt."  
  
"Poor nads." Not one to pity him, Sash giggled, her hands slapping over her mouth.  
  
"My nads," Dante informed them as he swung Alastor, which was easily deflected by Vergil, "are perfectly," a second swing, defensive this time, "all right. Thank you."  
  
"Dante you dork!" Vergil was having problems containing his laughter at his brother's comment as he made him back up a step, only to be forced a step back himself on the next swing. Dante's eyebrow rose with interest, a smirk playing on his lips.  
  
"Dork? Have we fallen that low, brother dear? Don't you have anything better to throw at me?" He laughed with a glint in his eye. "That one's almost too easy!"  
  
"Stop this! I cannot edit HTML with this insanity!"  
  
Leppress rose suddenly, knocking her chair backwards as she did, her eyes spitting fire at the two brothers. The shout caught their attention long enough to make them stop, but did nothing to eradicate the smiles from their faces as they looked at her. She was taken aback by the identical smiles. They twins were truly something worthy of looking at when together.   
  
"You ok, Lep?" Dante smirked, setting Alastor down on the floor as he came out of trigger, relieving much of the energy that had been sizzling through the air. Vergil followed suit, resting against his own sword as he looked at her.   
  
"No. I need to get this done!" She glared at both of them. "And if you don't stop right now I'm going to start embarrassing you both by bringing out my entire collection of sex toys." She snarled. "Be warned."  
  
"It'd almost be fun to see their faces." Sash shook her head as she made her way back to the now slightly charred couch.   
  
"You sure you wanna do that?" Dante's smirk widened. "I can bet you they'd shrivel in comparison."  
  
"I give up." Vergil informed them as he moved towards the couch as well, letting himself fall next to Sash with a sigh. Leppress merely laughed at Dante.  
  
"You are a brat. A mega brat." Her voice wavered as she tried to control her laughing. It wasn't much help that Dante was staring at her with a half smirk on his lips, leaning against Alastor. "Scratch that, you're more than a mega brat."  
  
"Giga?" Vergil offered with a smile. Anything to get back at Dante.  
  
"Tera!" Sash interjected, bouncing slightly on the couch.  
  
"Yeah! That's it. You're a tera brat, Dante."  
  
"And you wouldn't want me any other way." He shot back with a smile, his eyebrow arching. His head cocked to the side, eyes focusing on Vergil from the side with a wicked grin. "Don't even, GoatBoy."  
  
Vergil's snarl echoed. 


End file.
